Tuesday, September 30, 2008

teeny school rant...

OK, what responsible adult thinks that putting a sharp, real, metal paring knife in the hand of my just-turned-four year old is a good idea?

Fortunately, the pediatrician said she didn't need stitches in the flap of skin she cut off while cutting veggies for soup at school today.

That's right. School.

Now I admit to knowing about the knives, but I was assured that the knives were for the "older" children in the class and only with very careful supervision and teaching.

Um, yeah. Somehow, I don't think my child (who is chronologically the youngest kid in her class of 4-6 year olds) was really ready for knife work.


teeny work rant...

So I am in the Intensive Care Unit float pool at work. That means that on a given day I go to whichever ICU or stepdown unit needs me. As of today, I also may be called upon to work in the Emergency Department (ED). As I am getting paid an insane amount of money (in nursing standards) to do this, I am trying to go with the flow.

But as I toured the ED here all I could think was how crowded, disorganized, messy and dirty it seemed. I am going to hate it. Plus I don't take care of children. Just. Don't. Do. It. Makes me cry. AND I don't do acute psych either. And there are lock down rooms there. It is a state university hospital with a psych ward and everything. I understand they had to call 6 security guards in last week to take down a guy in paper jammies who tried to hang himself with a bedsheet in a room with rubber furniture and when the nurse INTERRUPTED HIM, he cold-cocked the nurse in the eye. Yeah. I am excited.

Plus my anal retentive qualities that make me an excellent ICU nurse are probably not going to feel very happy in the "focused assessment" world of the ED.

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

It is just 12 hours at a time though, right?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Musings on Mothering part 1

You know those women that seem born to be a mother? My sister in law is one. Four kids. When the twins were born, their older sister was almost 11 months old, and their older brother had just turned three. I know now that I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old that I would not have survived it. Folks, I would have dropped my basket for real. There is no way, no how, that I would have been able to have 4 kids under the age of 4 in my house and made it work without killing myself or my husband. I think I would have probably held it together enough not to kill the kids, but there is a good possibility that I would have hit the road and not looked back.

My sister-in-law was always a baby person. She always was a babysitter. She was the one at weddings or family gatherings that was down on the floor playing with the babies. And I admire her so much for what seems to be second nature to her.

Because it is not natural for me. I have never thought of myself as a "kid person". I mean, I always knew that once they hit the age of reason, or first grade or so, that I would be ok. And I hoped that the fact that children that were my own would be easier than other people's kids. And they are.

But it is a struggle. A daily struggle to be the mother I want to be. To be the mother I want my children to have. And I wonder if the fact that I know it is a struggle makes me work a little harder to say the right thing. To apologize when I know I haven't been the greatest mom. To research the mother shit to death trying to make informed decisions about how to raise my kids to be well adjusted, happy productive members of society that care about their fellow man and aren't a fascist, or a serial killer, or (gulp) a republican.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Fairy Tale They Should Have Told Us

From my friend Gigi...

Once upon a time, in a land far away...

A beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am.

And then my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother. Where you can prepare meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself..."I don't fucking think so."


I promise I am not going to do this, well, not often anyway...

But here are just two little nuggets from me on the current political scene...

One is from my friend Jon...

The other is my observation that Sarah Palin is disturbingly reminiscent to Dolores Umbridge.

OK, maybe she doesn't exactly look like her, but she sure is acting like her!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

A Door Obsession

I found this at work the other day...

You will have to excuse the poor quality picture, I only had my phone to take a picture with. I don't go armed with the big gun camera to take care of sick people. I usually don't have time for lunch, but this door to nowhere really grabbed my psyche and I couldn't stop going to the end of the hall to look at it.

In case you can't tell, it is a door, on the third floor of the building. I am sure that at some point, it had a balcony, or a staircase outside of it. But now, it leads to thin air. I find it comforting, somehow. Like maybe it leads to a place that I can't see yet. And since it is in a hospital, a strange convoluted hospital that has grown in the strange ways that public buildings do (when they get the funding to throw a new building up, it doesn't always mesh with the rest of the architecture), I think it could be the door to the next plane, the afterlife, or heaven, whatever you may believe.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

How Crazy am I?

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||| 30%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 62%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||| 54%
Antisocial |||||||||||||| 58%
Borderline |||||||||||| 46%
Histrionic |||||| 30%
Narcissistic |||||||||||| 46%
Avoidant |||||||||| 34%
Dependent |||||| 26%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||| 54%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Monday, September 8, 2008

A New Beginning

The school year has begun. The Sproglette is going to a local waldorf school five mornings a week and it is bliss. She happily skips off to change from her sparkly pink shoes (so un-waldorf) into the slippers she wears in the classroom. She likes her teacher and is getting into the rhythm of the day.

I have to admit to being a bit apprehensive. She is the youngest child in the class of 4-6 year olds, and while I know she is very verbal and imaginative for her age, she is tiny compared to most of the other kids in her class. I think this will always be the case, though. Sproglette is just a petite thing, I must just be content with that and help her to understand that being fast/smart/agile can be just as good as being BIG, which is what she really wants!

This gives me five mornings a week to spend with just Widget and that is really a beautiful thing. For the most part, he is a cheerful, happy, cuddly go-with-the-flow kind of guy. And while I think it would be easier to clean my house, have coffee with a friend, grocery shop, etc. without his help, I think I will be very sad to see him start preschool next year.